“Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own lovelessness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it.” — D.H. Lawrence
“Everyone’s retarded.” — Bill
Who’s to say which of the previous quotes is closer to the truth– I didn’t know this Lawrence fellow, but I do know that he wrote a short novel called, “The Escaped Cock”. Yes, I’ll wait for you to finish chuckling. I know enough of this Bill person that I can tell you one of his favorite quotes on looking for love is from surf rockers Jan and Dean: “I’ve stared you down, but now school’s through…come summer girl, gonna hustle you.”
I thought of those two quotes while reading an article on the current boom happening in the matchmaking field. It seems in these troubled economic times, matchmakers are doing huge business– if everything in your life is going down the tubes, you might as well have a certain someone to bitch about it to, right? Feel free to add some type of “Escaped Cock” joke here.
Now the article was pretty run-of-the-mill– when times are tough nobody wants to be alone and blah blah blah and everybody drinks too much and then boom– the thing has escaped! Okay, enough already– grow up! But as boring as the article was, it was the comments afterwards that had all the entertainment. D.H. Lawrence contends that the loveless will never find love and once again I find that most people I meet should be living in a trailer park. When you read the “comments” to the article you’ll tend to agree with both of us. To wit:
Jack writes: “Aren’t all of these sites really about women just trying to get a free dinner out of guys? That’s why they are joining these matchmakers, looking for some sucker to take advantage of.”
At least you’re going in with the right attitude Jack! Enjoy your Domino’s pizza and the 9pm drama hour on Saturday night television– I don’t see your date card filling up any time soon.
William writes: “The benefits of these dating sites go to women only! She gets free lunch, free accomodation, free ride, free everything…and after awhile she just tells the guy she loves someone else”
Wow William…. leave your diary entries to yourself! Free accomodation? Dude– these are supposed to be introductory meetings to see if you might want to do it again. Why do I get the sense that most of the guys writing in to this were in “Silence of the Lambs”?
Dateless In Westchester writes: “Guys, don’t bother trying to date women in Westchester Co, NY –if you don’t look like you stepped out of the pages of GQ and make less than $200,000 a year.”
Ahh, the old, “they’re just a bunch of stuck-up bitches” argument, I love it! Anyone else think “Dateless” asked out some woman waaaaay out of his league?
Jamal writes: “I agree with Jack. Not that I am sexist but social ambiance is causing women to go really bad and opportunistic. Not all of them, but many, consider a man as just a vehicle to success.”
You’re blaming social ambiance??? Jamal, you’d be better off with the “they’re a bunch of stuck up bitches” routine. “Causing women to go really bad”? Hey guy, I think that’s the leftover takeout for one sitting out in your nasty-ass kitchen that’s gone bad. PS– you’re sexist.
It’s not just the guys either… here’s Vanessa: “As a single working mom with time at a premium– you better make it worth my while to meet. As long as men make 40 percent more than women they can be a gentleman and pay for the date. When you guys have to fork out the same cash for haircuts and makeup, you can complain about paying for the date!”
Welcome back to the world of singletons Vanessa! I’m shocked some guy got rid of you– you sound like a barrel of monkeys! “You better make it worth my while to meet” ??? Well you better look like Rachel freaking McAdams or the only place I might want to meet you is a kickboxing class.
Single Serve pouts: “I disagree with the gold digger theory. Like me, there are plenty of girls who are smart and self-sufficient (independent) who don’t want your money– but guys don’t give us the time of day. Why is that?”
I’ll be honest ma’am…. you sound fat. Single serve? I’m guessing you haven’t had a single serving since “Big Butts” was on the radio.
Erik writes: “It’s tough these days. Girls are very stuck up and if you try to talk to them in a bar they don’t react very well. Or maybe it’s just me, however I’ve heard this from quite a few people.”
Erik– plain and simple, it’s just you…. but I have to say I’m fascinated by what your opening lines in bars might be… I’m guessing your “A- game” consists of Star Wars quotes.
Michael takes it to another level: “Matchmakers nauseate me. They always seem to be women that have nothing better to do than to be overly nosy by sticking their snouts in other people’s business! If you can’t get a date by your pathetic self then you shouldn’t be dating.”
Whoa. This guys seems fun, doesn’t he? I’m picturing a guy who lifts weights in his garage and blares death metal as loud as it can go and creeps out the entire neighborhood. Michael you don’t have to worry– I really doubt any woman will be sticking her “snout” anywhere near you for quite some time.
Somebody tell D.H. Lawrence we’ve found his escaped appendage.