Of Penises and Pirates

So I’m watching CNN, which is my first mistake, and the talking heads are talking about the poor unfortunate sea captain has been captured by pirates.   No one knows what to do.

No one knows what to do?


Hi, could we just watch  Pirates of the Caribbean again, please?  What one does with pirates, is one shoots them on sight.  I mean, yeah, I love Cap’n Jack Sparrow.  Cap’n Jack  Sparrow is a friend of mine.  These real life pirates are not Cap’n Jack Sparrow.  They don’t prance about like Keith Richards bringing madcap hilarity to the sea.  They kill people.  They are no good.  They are taking on British and U.S. naval vessels and winning only because we let them.

So let’s all  quit dickin’ around and just shoot ’em.

Oh, it’s not like you’d have to shoot all the pirates!  Just blow a couple of boats out of the water as they approach a ship flying our flag and I’m willing to bet the bailout money you won’t be seeing too many more pirate ships bothering the good law abiding citizens of the sea.

But no, the CNN talking heads never went there.  They really can not figure out what to do.

So an ad comes on.  There’s a smarmy looking fella holding up a little blue and white pill.

“I’ll bet you thought male enhancement was just a myth,”  he coos into the camera. “Not anymore!  This amazing little pill…”

He kept talking  but  I stopped listening.

I turned to my male who needs no enhancing and said “we’ve forgotten how to deal with pirates but at least we’ve discovered how to ad a quarter inch to the penis.  If the human race is doomed, it’s all we deserve.”

“It’s Apaches against gladiators on ‘Deadliest Warrior’ tonight.” he replied.


Published in: on April 15, 2009 at 7:54 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It took 500 years in ‘Idiocracy’ but Jerry, we’re HERE. NOW.

  2. Seems to me that the blue and white pill IS the cure for not-knowing-how-to-handle-pirates problem.

  3. Hi, interesting post. I have been thinking about this topic,so thanks for blogging. I’ll probably be subscribing to your site. Keep up the good work

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