This Post is Not About Hockey

By Katie

So I get my new Newsweek yesterday, and the cover story is all about Michelle Obama’s big crusade to eradicate childhood obesity. Now, the cause itself I like;  it’s a perfect “first lady” cause; something really obvious that everyone agrees on because first ladies are supposed to be beloved by all. 

Down with fat kids! Hells yes.  Fat kids turn into fat adults, and next thing you know that fat adult is sitting next to me on an airplane, hogging up the armrest and sweating all over my peanuts. And my snack (rimshot). Unless I’m on Southwest, but they never fly anywhere I want to go.* But I don’t really want to talk about that, I just want to know why the first couple keeps writing articles for Newsweek. 

I’m serious. A few weeks ago, the Pres himself penned the cover story. 

This disturbs me.

Dear President Obama and the Mrs.,

Why the moonlighting? Does the presidency not pay enough, you need the buck or two a word from Newsweek to cover the cigarettes? Don’t get me wrong,  I know the tax on smokes is out of control, but I actually think Michelle in particular could do better selling Silpada or something. I mean if I got an invite to a Silpada party from Michelle Obama, I’d probably go and probably even buy something. Does Southwest fly to D.C.?

I don’t know, maybe it’s just a sign of the times. Everyone I know has two jobs right now, why should the first family be any different? Or maybe it’s Newsweek’s desperate attempt at a “get”; it’s no secret they’re hemorrhaging  money. They changed their whole format a while ago, hoping to cull their readership to a select few of wealthy intellectuals willing to pay more for (supposedly) better content. Joke’s on them, they got me instead. Joke’s on me, I keep getting cover stories from people I thought already had pretty good jobs.

Dear Newsweek,

You should think about getting Snooki next time. I’d pay extra for that.** 

Best, 

Your One Reader

P.S. I miss the “My Turn” page. 

* you are horrible! Southwest airlines flies to lots of neat places you’d probably love to go!

**you are horrible! Saying you’d pay extra to read something written by Snooki only shows you and people like you are part of the problem! True obesity is on the inside,  and you. are. fat.

Published in: on March 18, 2010 at 3:10 am  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Haaaaa! Good one, Katie.

  2. I would be honored to be squashed in an airplane seat by Kevin Smith. He’s on my short list of fat guys I would do.

  3. Loved this piece Katie. It’s very clever! You have such a terrific sense of humor!


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