Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, John Elway and Fran Tarkenton never threw for 400 yards in consecutive NFL games. Panthers rookie QB Cam Newton has done it in his first two NFL games, becoming just the 7th QB in NFL history to turn the trick. It took him two weeks to do it. Maybe this robo-qb that a lot of us experts guessed would have a huge learning curve in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE (I hate everyone who says that), have a huge learning curve in judging talent.
When I look back at the events of this past weekend it’s clear to me that I may be terrible at predicting anything.
In order of my personal interest, here are 10 happenings from the weekend that was that had me muttering, “what the hell?”
10. A 16-Year Old Girl Won a Professional Golf Event
Lexi Thompson won the Navistar LPGA Classic by five shots on Sunday. She’s 16. I know nobody cares about women’s golf anymore because nobody knows how to pronounce any of the best player’s names– but this could be the shot-in-the-arm the sport needs. The LPGA’s last superstar-in-waiting, Michelle Wie, was forced to shoot 80 in a bunch of men’s events before she ever did anything in her own sport– sort of like joining the circus before going through clown school. Thompson is not even old enough to join the LPGA tour yet, although I’m betting concessions will be made and although she may not get a card, she’ll be able to play in any tournament she wants to. Who doesn’t what the “new hottest thing” to be a part of their tournament? It will be fun to watch Thompson over the next decade: put a stranglehold on the sport, marry Christie Kerr’s Swedish pool boy, get busted sharing nude texts with Bieber and then spiral into madness as her golf game and her life go to shambles.
9. The Vikings Blew a 17 Point Halftime Lead and Lost to the Buccs
The saddest (or arguably the only sad) thing about this is how little I cared a half hour after the game was over. The Vikings are really bad. It’s hard to care. I feel bad for Adrian Peterson– he’s one of the five best players in the league, but he’s surrounded by a fat, over-the-hill quarterback and a terrible group of receivers. We have one fast receiver (Percy Harvin) and I can’t recall him running one deep route in his season-and-two-games with the team. Maybe they don’t send him deep because, “they’ll just cover him anyway”. This is a team that is horrible on the road and now they can’t hold a 17 point lead at home against a mediocre team? Look, if you would have told me at 11am yesterday that the Vikes would lose to the Buccs 24-20, I wouldn’t have been surprised at all. But I watched the first half and I was…. impressed? You can break down that second half for hours and pass blame all over the place, but the bottom line is this: the NFL is a quarterback’s league– the Buccs have a very good one and the Vikings don’t.
8. Study Shows 73% of American Adults Now Text
If my math is right, that means everyone texts other than people over 70, homeless people and Katie.
7. Both Mauer and Morneau Pack It In For the 2011 Season
Wait, this totally shouldn’t be on here, nobody cares. We all had a lot more time on our hands this summer as the Twins were stunningly awful. It’s a lot more fun in the summer when every night you either watch part of the game or sneak off from whatever you are doing to check the score. Here’s hoping Morneau gets fully recovered from all of his concussion and post-concussion maladies and that he can again be a good player. I fear that might not be the case and I also think that missing basically two years of baseball in the middle of your career won’t ever allow you to be the player you might have been. As for Mauer…. hmm. Yes, they overpaid, yes, they had to overpay, no, he’ll never hit 30 home runs. I’m willing to write this entire season off to injury and illness, but dude… STEP IT UP. You’re 6’5 and should come in weighing 230 pounds and have a perfect swing– you should hit 15 homers by accident. Hopefully all the derision sent his way this season will make him a little meaner– he needs it.
6. Airplane Shows Don’t Seem Like Much Fun
Pilot Jimmy Leeward said in a podcast in June about the plane he was riding in Reno last Friday night, “I know it will do the speed… the systems aren’t proven yet… we think they’re going to be ok”. They weren’t. 10 people are dead and 70 more injured after Leeward’s plane, the Galloping Ghost, went out of control Friday night and pitched into the crowd. Awful awful awful. I’m sure there is blame to go around and I understand accidents happen. Come Saturday and it happens again, this time at an air-show in West Virginia. Wouldn’t you think that the day after a horrible accident like the one in Nevada would have everyone on edge? Wouldn’t you think the pilots would triple check everything? Maybe they did and he just couldn’t pull off a maneuver he thought he could, I don’t know. Maybe it’s time to re-think sticking your hand in the fire and then wondering why you got burned.
5. Netflix Founder Officially Loses His Mind
Or, “How To Ruin a Company In Two Months”… Seriously, this is like if the Phillies cut all five of their starting pitchers a week before the playoffs started. Netflix was cruising along, the company that toppled the Goliath that was Blockbuster…. and then they decided to raise their prices by 60 percent. 60 percent. SIXTY PERCENT. We’re just dumb, gullible consumers, but wow… you’re not selling beer at a baseball game Netflix, you’re selling movies we weren’t psyched up enough about 3 months ago to go see in a theatre. So in an attempt to re-brand that would embarrass a 4th grader, CEO Reed Hastings this weekend came out and said that the part of Netflix that rented movies would now be called, “Qwikster”. Ummmmmmmm…… what? So Netflix isn’t called Netflix anymore? Oh, the streaming part of it is, but the movie rental isn’t? It’s called Quickster? No… Quikster? No… Qwickster? NO??? SCREW YOU!!!!! Dear 15 million people who use Netflix: start using Red Box. It’s way cheaper and you were already at McDonald’s anyway. Wait, McDonald’s changed it’s name to Foodster????
4. Tom Brady Has Pulled Ahead of Peyton Manning for GOAT
Two games into Peyton Manning’s lost season and Tom Brady looks better than he ever has with two absurd games. 940 yards and 7 tds with one pick in two wins. Our boy McNabb is nipping at his heels with 267 yards and 1 td.
3. 80 Year Old Man Challenges World’s Second Best Boxer To a Fight
And everyone watching wanted 80-year old Larry Merchant, HBO’s grizzled vet of a commentator, to pop Floyd Mayweather in the face. Mayweather had just finished KOing Victor Ortiz with a 4th round combo that was very suspect. If you haven’t read about it– the two had been separated by the ref, and had touched gloves, boxing’s version of saying, “we cool?”– as Ortiz was stepping back from the glove touch, Mayweather tagged and stunned him with a left hook and then followed with a huge right that floored Ortiz. The fight was over before Ortiz even knew it had started again. Against the rules? No. Against every sort of sporting code ever learned by people who have ever played sports? Definitely. Mayweather is a weasel who thinks that his undefeated record will put him in boxing immortality and in the pantheon of the greatest fighters that ever lived– but he’s dead wrong. At this point all Mayweather is going to known for is ducking the only boxing match anyone has wanted to see for the last five years– him taking on Manny Pacquiao. Mayweather has come up with excuse after excuse to not fight Pac-Man, a guy who’s fought everyone is his way and who most experts think would beat Mayweather…. you’d think that someone who wants to be thought of as one of the all-time greats would pounce on this type of challenge… in fact, a win of Pacquiao would put him in the discussion… but as for now the only legacy he’s leaving is that he’s chicken-shit.
2. Syracuse and Pittsburgh Bolt the Big East for the ACC
And U-Conn and somebody else is sure to follow. To which I say, “ha ha TCU”. The chase for more cash continues to jumble and bumble college sports into an unrecognizable shit-show. Rivalries and traditions, be damned. Universities across the land are trying to find out if the grass is greener somewhere else…. here’s hoping manure gets dumped all over the entire lawn.
1. Kyle Chandler Wins Best Actor Emmy
The weekend comes to a close with a nice surprise as Coach Taylor pulls off a huge upset at the Emmys. With serial winner Brian Cranston not eligible this year– all predictions had Jon Hamm finally winning for his role as Don Draper, or Steve Buscemi duplicating his Golden Globe win for “Boardwalk Empire”. Nope. Better character and better actor walks off with the prize.