Mercury’s in retrograde. I know, I’ve become that person, that hippy-dippy, Los Angeleno, actress-type. But it’s true: Mercury is in retrograde, January 11 – Feb. 1. What does this mean to you, my little buttercups?
It means that for about three weeks, everything goes to crap. People can’t communicate and snap at each other (see, JP? It wasn’t just the PMS!); emotions are all over the place; travel, mail and appointments get effed; and electronics break. Basically, life sucks for about three weeks (the week and a half before and after ain’t so great, either). Oh, yeah – and you’re not supposed make major decisions during this period (like signing a lease, for example… ooops).
In any case, I woke up yesterday morning, tired from packing the apartment up, but still and all, happy to have a job in this climate. I walk the dog, drink some coffee, go to my car, turn the key and … clicking noise. What the hell? It’s a 2006 Beetle, with a mere 20,000 miles on it. I remember that Volkswagen has emergency roadside assistance, included with lease, so I leave my poor little car, and return to my home to find the number on the World Wide Interweb. (I would’ve used the manual that came with the car, but some a-hole stole it when they broke in last July. Is the economy really so bad that people need to steal car manuals?) The WWW is slow (thanks again, Mercury) but finally, the guy comes, brings his little portable jumper box, jumps me and I drive to work – an hour late, and a little annoyed, but none the worse for wear.
Cut to 3:00. Same day. The Boss asks me to get him a sandwich (egg salad, mayo, lettuce, white bread, no tomatoes or “heads will roll”) and I take my keys to try to start the car. You know, just for fun. Clicking.
Now I’m irritated. I can’t start my car, I’m carrying egg salad (no one likes carrying egg salad, especially someone else’s egg salad) and it’s 3:00 in the stinking afternoon. I call Volkswagen Santa Monica (special shout out to Julio, my “technician”) who tells me that, yes, they are open until 8:00 pm, but the mechanics leave at 5 and I’m welcome to have the car jumped again, drive it in and then, for extra fun, THEY’LL RENT ME A CAR.
I’m sorry. What? You’ll RENT me a car? Thanks for the generous offer! After all, it’s not like I paid over $400 for the 20k service 5 weeks ago and then had to bring it back 2 weeks after that for an oil leak you people couldn’t find. It’s not like I already missed an hour of work because their stupid battery didn’t work (and no, while I do have in fact boobs, I did not leave my lights on, chuckle, chuckle). I give him what-for, up, down and sideways. No dice. No loaner car. What are my options?
You guessed it. I called VW emergency assistance at 6:00pm to have them jump it again! I drove home, pulled in my little lot (next to SaxyLady’s car…every time I come home, it’s all I can do not to key it), turned the ignition off and tried to immediately start it up again….clicking.
At this point, I’m over it. I packed up some more of my kitchen, watched my Will & Grace, and went to bed. Alarm goes off this morning and I have a plan: make coffee, take a shower, call VW emergency assistance (I love that this is now a part of my morning routine, right before brushing my teeth). The guy from yesterday comes with his little portable box and jumps me again! Woohoo! This is kind of fun! I’m starting to enjoy knowing that Volkswagen is probably paying these dudes wayyyyyyy more money for each jump than if they’d covered a rental car. HA. I got to work around 9:15, turned the car off, went to my desk and called VW emergency assistance again to get them to tow the car to the dealer.
Awesome! Yet another dude comes by (this one seems stoned, btw, which makes me a little less comfy), and says, “Yo. I gotta jump you so’s I can move it and then tow it.” Jump #4 (none of this can be good for the car, right?). He does…I stay at work, waiting for my car to get diagnosed.
Julio, my “technician” just called. His expert opinion?
Wait for it….
The battery won’t hold a charge.
Thank God for mechanics.